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My Reflections in 2011 (Good or Bad)

To save money, earn like a prince but live like a pauper. *wink* A career is a choice with conviction. To have a good name in your field, focus on persevering in that field. Do not waste time and resources to linger around without establishing your profession. Time is running out. No matter how systematic you plan for your goals, uncontrollable external factors will try to ruin your pursuits, or at least delay them. So always consider and assume the obstacles you will face for every plan that you make. Backup plans? They also fail. From gossips to serious matters, always tell the truth, or what you think is the truth. You never know how your words spread across the globe. No matter how convenient your workplace is, it will always have snake pits. I learned long ago that I should neither boot lick nor bow to mediocrity. Now I realize that even if you try very hard to do your best and be truthful to others, you can never assume that your fellow workers, even your closest, will do and be
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Hindi ako nagtatampo, nagtatanim lang ako ng sama ng loob.

Totoo yan. Kahit napatawad na kita, hindi ko malilimitan ang mga bagay na ginawa mo sa akin, lalo na't alam ko and iyong motibo at ito'y iyong sinasadya. Kahit batiin mo ako ng matamis mong ngiti, na alam ko na ito'y hindi taos-puso, babatiin kita para sa delikadesa, ngunit hindi mo na makukuha pa ang loob ko na ika'y ngitian ng taos-puso. Sapagkat sa simula pa lamang ay alam ko na ayaw mo akong bumalik at makisawsaw sa inyong magandang pagsasama at guluhin ang inyong kaligayahan. Alam ko kung bakit ka nakasimangot palagi kapag nandyan ako. Alam ko kung bakit ka nalulumbay sa tuwing magkasama tayo. Kung anu-anong dahilan pa ang iyong sinasabi, ngunit batid ko ang katotohanan. Matindi ang pagseselos mo sa akin. Sana ay masaya ka na sa aking desisyon at nilulubayan ko na kayo. Sana ay maging maligaya ka na sa aking ginawa na bunga ng iyong kagagawan. Hayaan mo lang ako. Mabubuhay ako nang wala kayo. Ngunit magkatuluyan man kayo o hindi, hindi mo na maibabalik ang ating pa
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Sawi

Habang sinusulat ko ito, nagdurusa ako sa trangkaso at sakit sa puso, sa baga o sa kung ano pa man. Kung mapaglaro ang tadhana sa akin at di na makapagsulat pang muli, kahit papaano ay nakapagsulat ako ngayon. Ang pag-ibig ay isang bagay na nalalaman ko mula sa ibang tao ngunit hingi sa aking sarili. Ang alam ko lang ay hindi ako nabibigyan ng pag-asa upang umibig. Maaring hindi ako kinagigiliwan ng aking gusto, o di kaya'y hindi ko gusto ang mga nahuhumaling sa akin. Ngunit alam ko kapag mayroon akong pag-asa. At sa kasamaang palad, hindi ko alam kung paano hulihin ang pagkakataong iyon. Laging sumasabog sa aking harapan ang mga bagay na sana ay nagiging makabuluhan. Tulad ngayon. Sa isang di pagkakaunawan ng dapat ay isang kaibigan, nahihirapan akong makipagkasundo. Kung sa isang magkaibigan, sana ngayon ay maayos na ang aming relasyon. Ngunit hindi ko mawari kung bakit tumatagal nang ganito. Nagmumukmok siya sa akin, ngunit sinasabi niyang hindi siya galit. Ayaw na raw niyang ma
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Awkward moment

Share ko lang. Kakatapos lang ng huling klase namin kanina. Tulad ng dati, nakihati na naman ako sa sandwich niya. Nagdesisyon na kaming umuwi, pero dumaan muna kami sa 7-eleven para bumili ng inumin. Bigla siyang nag-open. "Uy, yung tungkol sa kahapon, napikon ka ba sa 'kin?" Napaisip ako. "Oo, nainis ako. Alam mo naman na inis ako 'di ba?" "Oo, pero pag-usapan muna natin, dito muna tayo, ok lang?" Nakatapat kami sa magazine rack, tumitingin ng mga magazine habang nag-uusap. Nailang ako. Alam ko kasi na ayos na kami. Madali naman mawala ang inis ko, lalo na sa kanya. Pero sinimulan niya ulit kaya naalala ko na naman. "Napikon ako, I felt miserable. Parang ako lang yung taong ginaganon mo, na feeling ko mali na naman ako." Kinutya niya kasi ako kahapon tungkol sa violent reactions ko sa mga ka-meeting namin, masyado raw akong obvious na naglu-loose comment, naiirita at nagtataray. Pinagtawanan pa niya ako nung nakita nila sa mukha ko na g
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Makeover

I think I became a better person these past few days. I have recognized forgiveness and humility. I have forgiven people wholeheartedly and willingly have asked for forgiveness. I have also accepted my limitations as a person... that I can't have everything I want. I have acknowledged personal space. I realize that I do not know every detail about my friends to sustain friendship and faithfulness. I have understood jealousy and envy in theory and in practice. I have seen how friends get jealous and how it affects their lives. I myself have experienced jealousy, and realized that it's all about selfishness. There are some things about my conversion that I can't explain in writing. Suffice it to say, I'm better. I have set my new motto. If I can't be a good person today, I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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Seclusion Perpetua

(derived from reclusion perpetua , which means permanent imprisonment. But mine means perpetual seclusion from the world.) "Next time na makita kita, graduate ka na, ha? " That was the last words of the CPH dean from her sermon a while ago. A few hours before our small chat, someone called and informed me that the dean did not approve my request for MRR extension, that she left a note for me to read. I ditched my plan for today, headed to CPH right away and settled her demands. " Hindi ko pipirmahan yang letter mo hangga't hindi ka magko -commit sa thesis mo ." This, on the other hand, was my thesis adviser's reprimand when I approached her last week to file for petition to extend my residency. After my adviser's "high mass," I called Ms. Jean of the Music Department right away to tell her that I was forced and thus will definitely take a leave for the whole semester. I reported back to my adviser and told her that all is settled. She immediat
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What greater things can I achieve in this lifetime

... than to have an incredible dream out of an inspiration from a special mentor... ... to make a crucial decision to fulfill that dream, which almost jeopardized my life's first theme... ... to tell my skeptic parents about this decision and make it really happen in front of their eyes... ... to sacrifice significant amounts of time, effort and resources just to make that dream come to life... ... to have friends along the way who share that common dream... ... to meet other great mentors in the process of learning how to achieve it... ... to sometimes face reality about my limitations and hindrances in fulfilling it... ... to break away from those obstacles and make miracles in the progress... ... to slowly evolve from an amateur pupil to an able musician... ... and finally to play the violin beautifully for the wedding of my first violin mentor as gratitude and tribute for the inspiration that she gave me, to be a violinist, right from the very beginning? There's no other gr
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