Clouds in My Coffee

I had two disturbing dreams... The first one was a week before Christmas, where I dreamt that I was in a city torn by multiple attacks of high tsunamis, meteors and boulders rising from a distance and forming a trajectory towards the buildings. I was there, struggling and stunned by the weird forces of nature. Everything was vivid: from the roads that I pass through, to the buildings that I enter, the elevations I climb to keep away from the great flood, the people whom I recognize. I see the road swiftly crashed by small meteors by 4 seconds interval as a meteor hit a jeepney filled with people - there were casualties. I remember running into a building as boulders hit it. I saw by the sea the huge hole where the boulders come from. Somehow I was convinced it was true, that people in my dream told me that I wasn't dreaming. I was looking for my family and friends, and assumed they were fine. I told my officemates my first dream. We browsed the net and looked for interpretaions. On...

Yeah, that's right. ^^ The things I miss during the Christmas season were the CPH days when we build the lantern and designing the facade. I even missed the parade this season. But what I'm so happy about this time is enjoying Christmas as a musician. I only listen to Christmas carols before, but now I play them with a group. I remember 2 years ago I was only watching the PPO and the San Miguel Philharmonic Orchestra perform Christmas music, but last December 12, I performed with the SICCO. Dr. Dayrit was there, and he enjoyed it. Last Saturday. December 22, we played with the Vox Angelicum in the Our Lady of Hope Parish (behind SM West) under Ms. April Sta. Maria. It took me only almost 1 hour of sleep preparing for the event. Pero naman, winner pa rin wahehe. One thing is for sure: sarap ng Pasko sa musikero hehe.

It was Jeunessa, my sister-in-law-to-be, and Omar, my brother, who broke the news. Jeunessa: Omar, what can you say about this blouse? Omar: Tanunigin mo si Jay. Me: (Lifting an eyebrow) Well, mukha syang pang -80's. At bakit may garter? And you bought 2 blouses with the same style! Omar: Pambuntis yan. Me: ... ha ? Jeunessa: I'm pregnant! Me: Huh? Jeunessa: Ay, ayaw maniwala ... (bringing out the ultrasound result and two pregnancy test kits showing positive results) ayan ... I'm pregnant! Me: What are you doing??? (Still startled) Omar: We're telling you, she's pregnant! Jeunessa: We're going to have a baby! Me: Whaaat!? A few minutes after, Miah, my close friend in high school, called and I started spilling that my brother is going to have a baby. Miah: Uy exciting yan! Syeeet Oscar, kelan ang kasal? Me: Hindi ko nga alam eh ... Miah: Kelangan paghandaan yan, engrandeng kasal dapat! Naku Oscar I'm so happy for you! ( Parang ako yung magkakaanak! ) Ke...

I, together with three of my officemates, were called by our big boss. She scolded us for storing gigabytes of movie files, personal files, in our hard drives, assuming that we were watching them all the time and being negligent in our work. The HR provided printed screenshots showing the folders where we kept our files. "I am very dissapointed in you, lalo ka na Charvie, mataas pa naman ang expectations ko sa yo! " I crippled. I have been called by my big boss twice. The first time was because I saved a folder of wallpaper pictures in the shared network folder. And the second time, this time, because I stored movie files in my hard drive. And for that, I've been so disappointing to my boss. I, of all people in my office who, most of them, listen to music, view personal pictures, watch movies and even play computer games, was pointed at by the HR twice for being unprofessional by storing files in my computer. At first, I was silent, but when I felt that it was enough, tha...

...from a way of life to another in one lifetime - that is how I am now. I have been working as a data manager in PhilCAT since March, and working on sideline jobs with resident doctors along the way. So far, despite my crooked work ethics, I have been given credit for my skills and capacity as an effective statistician, researcher and epidemiologist. Although our organization's administration is not perfect for me, I am grateful that this work gives me the opportunity to endeavor on health research and probably be given recognition for it. But free-spirited as I naturally am, I think that I am taking for granted this opportunity that anyone in my field would grab and cherish. I took a leave from my current stable job for something what I think is more important. This morning I played with the Sta. Isabel College Chamber Orchestra (SICCO) in the Manila Cathedral, celebrating the school's 375th year of service. The Archbishop of Manila himself celebrated the Mass. Like in any pe...

... I coudn't believe, was performing live in an orchestra on a Sunday TV mass. Yes, I was with the Sta. Isabel College Orchestra playing with Wanda, my violin, last September 9 on ABC5. Bishop Bacani celebrated the mass. On that, enough said. It was my second time to be in a TV studio (my first was in the "Debate" studio at GMA 7) but it was like my TV baptism. It was, let's just say, divine. Ganun pala yun . Belonging in an orchestra playing for a TV mass in harmony with the school choir was quite an overwhelming experience. I could say that the best way to understand unity is by experiencing it in a musical performance. And it would be an understatement if I say that we performed very well. Critiques came out minutes after the mass. Our fellow member who watched us on TV said that we blended well with the choir (despite zero practical contact prior to the event). Sir Cris' fellow PPO (Phil. Philharmonic Orchestra) member sent a text message, "... Galing ng...

... are all I need to write another post. That is all I need - all I have. All the other seconds of my life are spent on my families: going to work late, working as an underpaid PhilCAT data manager and laughing with my new office family, then flying to Sta. Isabel College to play music with my other family, the chamber, then going home with my true family, playing this addicting online game. All the rest are history as far as I know. And I think I will settle for this kind of lifestyle. My aunt in Geneva again suggested that I look for work in an international away-mission. I keep on telling her, "after my thesis, after my thesis..." while in fact I do not really care about my thesis for now. I do not want to change everything, now that I am only starting all over again. I sometimes feel again the frustration of leaving my scientific profession and venture on being a fiddler, err, violinist. But I sometimes feel giving up my arts for science. I think I'm doing both at th...

I am declaring my gravest remorse on my stagnant and worthless life. Important people in my life had been slapping my face due to my delinquency. My former boss who had been very eager to improve my work ethics kept on insulting my irresponsible behavior when I had a decent job. My thesis professor had been sending an emmisary to nag me to pursue my thesis. My batchmates in high school had been threatening to sue me or the school if the high school yearbook would not come out yet. My resident clients kept on texting me to follow up their research paper results. My high school friend quacked at me over the phone about my attitude, that I wasn't like this before. Worse, my violin teacher had suggested to consider discontinuing my one-on-one violin lessons. I was very efficient and industious in my younger years. But now, I'm an id-driven worthless bum. And worse, I'm not doing anything about it. Oh yes, I've cut my hair as a reminder of this tragedy. I dont't know unt...

Letter sent to the Dayrits this morning: Dear Auntie Nene, Uncle Manolet, Sophia and Roxanne, I am gravely sorry to inform you all that Yoko passed away this morning, 3am while being confined in the private vet's clinic. We did everything we thought was good for him. Hindi naagapan yung infection niya sa GI tract. PSPCA (Phil Society for the Protection and Care of Animals) misdiagnosed his condition na stress lang daw since maraming animal patients with the same signs and symptoms ang pumupunta sa kanila due to the new year firecrackers. We kept on bringing him to PSPCA for 3 days after niyang ayaw kumain. Puro dextrose lang ang binibigay saka pampagana, walang antibiotics. Sabi ng PSPCA ok na raw after the third day, so pinilit lang namin painumin ng gatas at vitamins. Yesterday, he kept of vomiting and in the afternoon, he vomited his vitamins with a few drops of blood, so na-alarma na kami at dinala na sa private vet. Saka lang na-diagnose na infected ang kanyang throat. This mo...

... is not what I exactly did. The last thing I wanted to is to get behind the times. I wanted to finish my thesis and finish the high school yearbook once and for all (for crying out loud! Santa Barbara!). I planned to make my weekly schedule to have time for everything, including my consultancies and violin lessons. I wanted to have a good start in organizing my activities before the year started. But two consecutive events happened. One: Broadband connection was invented, Smart offered it and we availed for it. Two: The broadband worked perfectly, we gained access to all the evils of the cyberspace and "Supreme Destiny" happened. My brilliant brother introduced me to this game where we can interactively play in the internet. This was the first time that we sat together for hours playing the same RPG game at the same time. The maximum level a player can achive is level 355. I'm currently at level 102 in just 10 days. Adik. The consequences are evident. My thesis adviser...

It’s been a looong time since my last post. And it’s only because I didn’t want to or feel like doing it. Not that I had crap like I’m too busy or something. I always have time for everything, including joining friends if I want to, that I say “I’m too busy” only when I really don’t want to. Something tells me I’m id-driven after all. But I don’t refuse favors from residents or from anyone when it comes to research consultation – I’m not sure if it’s an implicit code of ethics or something. Despite that revelation, I would still say that working freelance for residents and professors kept me stuck from coming to important events in this season’s festivities. I wasn’t able to attend the CPH Xmas party, the EAMC Ob-Gyne Department party and the high school mini-reunion party. IPHM is history and until now we had no plans for reunion at all. Failing to meet old friends is just frustrating and somewhat gratifying at the same time. Besides, I’ve been trying to avoid social gatherings as par...

Playing “Humoresque” in front of a tough audience is one of the most embarrassing yet fulfilling events of my artistic life. I had my second violin recital last Saturday. Papa, Kuyang, my violin classmates, PH classmate and barkada Ruthie, my maestro, and strangers who would seemingly represent if not constitute the entire nation, watched my ultimate humiliation. Kuyang even immortalized it with our video cam. Starting the day right, I woke up late for my lesson at 10 am. I only had 15 minutes to prepare for that class and my fabulous performance that afternoon, and I haven’t even had my practice for my recital, much less for the orchestra. But still, I kept my natural, slow pace, as always, as I thoroughly caressed my body in the bathroom, meticulously set my long black hair, ironed my pink manly shirt, looked for a pair of black leather shoes. I came to UST an hour late. I have good vibes with my maestro that day, like every week that we meet. People were smiling at me when I clu...

I was tuned in Channel 7 and watched “100% Pinoy,” which featured a few past and present “gifted” kids. I have learned about Shaira Luna, a former Promil user who discussed the cardiovascular system over a 15-second commercial several years back. She went into De La Salle University at the age of 12. However, she shifted from her pre-med course to other courses several times and eventually discontinued her college education. She is now working as a freelance photographer. A La Salleian friend said that they were seeing Shaira in La Salle and were making fun of her. When she passed by them, she was teased by saying, “Uy, ayan na ang mga planets! Wooooh…” (pointing a finger up and forming circles). “What are you helling at?” said Shaira (as what my friend claimed). “HELLING naman pala eh! Akala ko ba Promil kid ka, bakit ang bobo mo?” Enough about La Sallian culture. Poor Shaira - pressured by a society that tagged her as a young genius. Entering college at an early age, and with very hi...

*I'm not quite sure what my cat's gender exactly is. But for the sake of this post, let's assume she's female.* I never thought I would fall in love with a cat. I remember the first day I laid eyes on her. It was a sunny morning. I was fixing my look in front of the mirror and almost ready to go to work when suddenly Papa, my father, caught my attention. Papa: Jay, may kuting sa labas ng gate. Charvie: ...Eh ano naman ngayon? Papa: Kasi nakasabit siya sa imburnal... There she was, right outside our gate, crying as if there was no tomorrow. Her body was hanging as her head got stuck between the steel bars covering our sidewalk's manhole. Her saliva covered her entire neck. She was traumatized and delirious. Papa and I took her inside and nursed her. Realizing that we didn't have milk at that time, I prepared her a few milliliters of mixture of Coffee-mate, Milo and water. She could not walk - she was only several days older than a newborn litter. Assuming she had...

You won't believe where I was last night. I was watching an opera at the CCP Tanghalang Nicanor Abelardo with my violin classmates. It was Tchaikovsky’s “Eugene Onegin,” produced by UST (Whooh! Go Uste!). It’s about a story of a man feeling sorry for rejecting a woman’s love. Morale: Frustration begets frustration. It was nice, except that I don’t understand a shit – it was Russian. I had to buy an overpriced but worthless programme to understand what’s going on, only to find out that only one page was allotted for the story and the rest of the print were advertisements and the production's and the cast members’ crappy achievements. Even its layout was designed like trash. Hay, CCP. Unfortunately, the dances were not well-choreographed. I like the costumes and the simplicity of the props though. I admire Russian, so It's fine. But what I love about it was Tchaikovsky’s music – a real genius – and the orchestra responsible for the live music, including my Maestro Macazo hehe...

I'm currently working on a desk in an office that looks like a house and is said to be haunted by an old lady and her grandchild. But I'm not afraid. I just have to acknowledge their presence and I'm safe. And it's still raining. Shit. I'm currently working and at the same time writing my post. Actually, I'm not working. I'm typing my post. It's 8:20 pm and I'm still here. Why? I don't know. But what I know is I'm in an office. Alone. An office. May trabaho pala ako? *smirk*. Problem is, most of the time I'm inside this box. I was dreaming of far more exciting jobs than this, say investigating an outbreak or implementing a health program in the community. But not this. I'm no better than a clerk - only a lot smarter and more commanding. So I had my 5-day field work in Iloilo and Cebu, big deal! Compared to months of staying here in this haunted office, that field work only seemed like a day-off in a whole year of work. But I have to a...

Sa aking mga kasamahan sa IPHM, sa ating mga paghihirap sa ngalan ng kalusugan, sa ating pakikisalamuha sa iba't-bang elemento ng proyektong pangkalusugan at pananaliksik. Sa mga aliping sagigilid at aliping namamahay na hindi nakakauwi nang tamang oras, ni hindi nakakakain nang sapat (Kaya't dinadaan na lamang sa pagpasok nang tanghali na). At sa mga Pilipinong naghahangad ng magandang kalidad ng buhay. Para sa inyo ang mga larawang ito. Mabuhay tayo!

Last night, I finished reading an old fiction novel, “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. And at that time, I started meticulously reassessing the value of human existence. As Miranda Priestly said it… “Groundbreaking.” It is about an egotistic architect who never compromised his genius innovations to collaboration and cooperation with what Rand coined as “second-handers.” At the end, he stood victorious on the top of his greatest skyscraper. After finishing the last page, I was moved to research Ayn Rand and all the philosophies tied to her name: objectivism, egotism, as well as altruism, collectivism and communism. I was like a Borg drone assimilating information from the cyberspace. I never conceived that I would be reaffixed in concepts I have abandoned since I left the school paper and would think a lot like this in centuries – All because of a book of philosophy embedded in an architectural theme. I ask myself, have I been an altruist all these years? As far as my values are concerned...

Yep. Just clouds. Had my 6th stick. Caused me chest pain. Made tears in my eye. I don’t know. Maybe the unmet deadlines. Or the anxiety for tomorrow’s session. Or the future loss of my beloved cat. Currently embracing him. Will be gone tomorrow. To miss you. Wanna make a sonnet for Nge-Nge, but too groggy for that. The violin perhaps. Maybe the sad songs. Or the loss. I love you. Goodbye.

Kids easily grow up. I just saw my cousin’s note in my room. It mentioned that they were leaving our house, requesting me to copy a CD game for her and hoping I would join them in our weekend tri p in Lucban. Unfortunately, I had a project to finish in my professor’s house that weekend so I wasn’t able to keep my promise to join them. Somehow I regretted that I took the project and could not commit to my family duties, specifically as “Kuyang” to my cousins. I wanted to join them and have the best hours together while they (Sophia and Roxanne) are still kids. They will be back in Geneva after a couple of days. Somehow I realize that they are not kids anymore. A few years back, they were only writing scribbles on pieces of paper, forming letters as toddlers. But now, they can communicate very well, not only in Filipino and in English but in French too (voila!). After a few years, Roxanne will be in college and Sophia will graduate hopefully as an environmental biologist. I, on the other...