Transcended

...from a way of life to another in one lifetime - that is how I am now.

I have been working as a data manager in PhilCAT since March, and working on sideline jobs with resident doctors along the way. So far, despite my crooked work ethics, I have been given credit for my skills and capacity as an effective statistician, researcher and epidemiologist. Although our organization's administration is not perfect for me, I am grateful that this work gives me the opportunity to endeavor on health research and probably be given recognition for it. But free-spirited as I naturally am, I think that I am taking for granted this opportunity that anyone in my field would grab and cherish. I took a leave from my current stable job for something what I think is more important.

This morning I played with the Sta. Isabel College Chamber Orchestra (SICCO) in the Manila Cathedral, celebrating the school's 375th year of service. The Archbishop of Manila himself celebrated the Mass. Like in any performances made by the orchestra, my emotion was divine. With this one thing is for sure - I can never remove myself from my attraction to music. The feeling of just being there gives me the sense of belongingness and purpose. I was in the orchestra not only to perform, but to be. This explains why I would rather rehearse with my SICCO friends for long hours than work tediously on papers or waste the night away in bars with my old friends.

This afternoon, I went to UP Manila to process my request for TRO, GMC and honorable dismissal papers. It was cold. I saw the OUR building under rennovation, and I see that it was duller than before. It is not that the school has physically retrogressed, for I know that it is really underfunded. It was my perspective that has changed, seeing that this school of excellence is not that impressive to me anymore. And I think this reflects my attitude towards my accomplishments as a BS graduate.

I have a close friend in college who did well in her field, but feels unfulfilled. She somehow made me think that she is envious of me, for I know what I want in life. Yes, I really do.

I will start again a life in a new school of music that does not only speak of academic excellence alone, but also of humility and service. It does not mean, however, that I will fully abandon my passion for research and health service. I will only take another chance in proving to myself that I can be whatever I want to be and redeeming my passion to what uplifts my soul, to what I truly love.

Perhaps someday I will realize that I had been too fast with my decision. But I will surely treasure this adventurous moment. Having understood why I do this, one can define my philosophy in life.