Information Overload

Last week has been very intellectually overwhelming for me.

Imagine yourself in front of two time portals: one transports you to the conventional past while the other leads you to the far-reaching future. If you were a scholar, where will you first go to discover things unknown to you?

I am currently enrolled in two subjects of almost the same contents but of different perspectives: Music Theory on Thursdays where my teacher is Sister Emelita, a traditional type of educator, and Historical Survey on Satudays under Ms. April Sta. Maria, a liberal one.

To give you an example, both of them asked us to define music. To Sister Em (as how we call her), music is an organization of sounds of silences that is pleasing to the ears and delivers a message. On the other hand, Ms. April modified this definition by stating that music, as I recall, is a combination of sounds and silences that appeals to the senses OR the intellect. There might only be a slight difference, but the point is, the liberal thought suggests that music does not have to be regular or pleasing to the ears, as long at it has a message, as Ms. Sta. Maria always gives contemporary music as an example.

Moreover, we were only starting to review the different elements of music with Sister Elemita last Thursday when while Ms. Sta. Maria introduced that some of the elements will be lost in the contemporary music.

What I like about both them is that I can get two different points of view when it comes to music theory, which is good for any discipline. However, for a student who has only started learning or re-learning music, this is somewhat frustrating. I, for one, am only learning how to play the violin, a classical music instrument, and a member of an orchestra that always plays baroque music. I can not grasp all the advanced concepts of music when I’m only a beginner.

I asked Ms. April about her comment on one needs to be good at the classical or conventional before going to the liberal or modern aspect of music. She said that it may be good for other disciplines, like visual arts, but in music one has to be open-minded at the start. Although I am somewhat accustomed to the conventional mode of learning, I agree.

So what was your answer on the question above? In my case, I would split myself into two and experience both worlds at the same time – as what I am doing now.

Tick... tock... tick... tock... BOOM.

Career Calamity, Book II Part I

Last week, I had a conversation with Sister Emelita, Chair of Sta. Isabel College Music Department, while I was processing my enrollment form in Sta. Isabel. I told her that I'm taking up masters in epidemiology in UPM, with thesis as my only requirement for completion, and that I will take up master subjects in music in Sta. Isabel this summer. She asked me if I'm now giving up public health for love of music.

"...I am torn between two lovers," I replied.

Perhaps I'm too pissed off with my public health career now that I'm considering music as my sanctuary. In the office, I was given a task to conduct a research with someone else's proposal, someone whom I don't want to work with. There was a slight impression that beside the fact that I'm underpaid for my work, I am being used of my skills by undeserving people. But I think this is a bit overboard, that I need to think this over and improve my framework on this to a more positive one. But I want to stress that this is mixed with the pending research consultancies with different doctors outside the office. I think I'm burning out.

But when I come to chamber rehearsals, I feel so much relieved.

Last week, Monday, the chamber played during a 7:30 a.m mass in Sta. Isabel. I was there, gratified and calm. After which, we had a rehearsal and lunch together. I took a sick leave that day, deciding not to go to work anymore. Something is repelling me from work or attracting me to the chamber that day.

To make matters more complicated, on that same day, Sister Emelita mentioned in our conversation that I may avail for scholarship for my violin lessons with Mr. Macazo. I stopped attending lessons with my violin teacher because one, it's expensive and two, I can't give my full time with music, with my pending thesis and PhilCAT work in mind. But now that I can take violin lessons for free, I'm leaning towards embracing my teacher, perfecting my skills.

A few weeks ago, Miss April Sta. Maria, my Philippine Music teacher, offered us a job at Naxos as music analyst, where I can be qualified should I take up her master subjects. I was very much tempted to accept the offer, only that I already have public health as my career. I was too envious with those who said yes, and I was stumping my feet, regretting why I didn't take up music in the first place, for I could have taken the offer and enjoyed working.

And of course, my moment with the chamber is always priceless. A while ago, we were playing musical pieces that we performed in the past. We were only about less than ten people, without our teacher, jamming with the old pieces quite smoothly. I realized that we have improved a lot and become very independent since last year when we were first assembled. It only proved that I, together with my fellow musicians, gracefully grew up. And in a few more years, we can become great.

However, I still have good reasons to continue my public health work. A few weeks ago, I had a meeting with Dr. Maridel Borja, my thesis adviser, whom I handpicked for our training in our department in PhilCAT. Somehow, I remember why I took up epidemiology when I'm with her. As I received her resume for her service contract, the vision became more vivid - I want to be just like her, with all her achievements. Somehow my love for health research and public health service remains intact despite everything. I believe that God allowed me to take this course to have a heart and a mind of a public health worker, and to be one of the best epidemiologists.

We, my officemates and I, had a seminar on self-leadership last week held during our summer outing in Batangas. When asked who is my model leader, I answered Antonio Vivaldi, a musician. When asked what thing best describes me now, I answered a violin. But when asked to draw my life goal, I drew a school, with a caption, "My school of public health is open to cater quality education for Filipinos - 2030."

And yet the picture of my final days, my retirement dream, is playing a violin with a sweet tune in a park.

So you have an idea how torn I still am.