(derived from reclusion perpetua, which means permanent imprisonment. But mine means perpetual seclusion from the world.)
"Next time na makita kita, graduate ka na, ha?"
That was the last words of the CPH dean from her sermon a while ago. A few hours before our small chat, someone called and informed me that the dean did not approve my request for MRR extension, that she left a note for me to read. I ditched my plan for today, headed to CPH right away and settled her demands.
"Hindi ko pipirmahan yang letter mo hangga't hindi ka magko-commit sa thesis mo."
This, on the other hand, was my thesis adviser's reprimand when I approached her last week to file for petition to extend my residency. After my adviser's "high mass," I called Ms. Jean of the Music Department right away to tell her that I was forced and thus will definitely take a leave for the whole semester. I reported back to my adviser and told her that all is settled. She immediately signed my papers.
I get it. I am haunted due to my negligence, extended up to seven years because of their mercy. I'm delinquent, and I won't get another chance. I deserve it.
I thought at first that I was a superman, that I could do anything I want, could multitask, could finish my thesis and continue teaching. But then I realized that the ball of the game is not in my hands anymore. I lost the power of choice when I started filing for petitions to extend my residency. Older and more powerful people are dictating what I should do. I'm losing liberty like going back to being a kid.
But a good friend told me that sometimes not having too much options is good. It gives you focus. It leads you to the right path. Another friend said God must have intervened.
So I packed my things in SIC and fulfilled my given word. I have relieved myself from duty to teach and participate in any musical activities, including the orchestra. I am detaching myself to most of what I used to do - and what I used to be - these part few years like having a life imprisonment sentence. Now I will spend the rest of my time in my small room, looking at this computer, squeezing my brains out until I accomplish my mission.
But now I am more focused on what's truly important - my future. And I am grateful that divine intervention took place in my favor.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
What greater things can I achieve in this lifetime
... than to have an incredible dream out of an inspiration from a special mentor...
... to make a crucial decision to fulfill that dream, which almost jeopardized my life's first theme...
... to tell my skeptic parents about this decision and make it really happen in front of their eyes...
... to sacrifice significant amounts of time, effort and resources just to make that dream come to life...
... to have friends along the way who share that common dream...
... to meet other great mentors in the process of learning how to achieve it...
... to sometimes face reality about my limitations and hindrances in fulfilling it...
... to break away from those obstacles and make miracles in the progress...
... to slowly evolve from an amateur pupil to an able musician...
... and finally to play the violin beautifully for the wedding of my first violin mentor as gratitude and tribute for the inspiration that she gave me, to be a violinist, right from the very beginning?
There's no other great thing that I can possibly achieve in this lifetime than to pay the graces back to the people I owe my impossible aspirations to...
... except perhaps for paying them forward to others who would aspire for impossible things the same way as I did.
... to make a crucial decision to fulfill that dream, which almost jeopardized my life's first theme...
... to tell my skeptic parents about this decision and make it really happen in front of their eyes...
... to sacrifice significant amounts of time, effort and resources just to make that dream come to life...
... to have friends along the way who share that common dream...
... to meet other great mentors in the process of learning how to achieve it...
... to sometimes face reality about my limitations and hindrances in fulfilling it...
... to break away from those obstacles and make miracles in the progress...
... to slowly evolve from an amateur pupil to an able musician...
... and finally to play the violin beautifully for the wedding of my first violin mentor as gratitude and tribute for the inspiration that she gave me, to be a violinist, right from the very beginning?
There's no other great thing that I can possibly achieve in this lifetime than to pay the graces back to the people I owe my impossible aspirations to...
... except perhaps for paying them forward to others who would aspire for impossible things the same way as I did.
Monday, March 01, 2010
A Sonnet I Wrote in November 2005
This is a sonnet for my violin, who is my companion during the hardest times.
Lead me, love, from the hymn of solitude
To the music of departed shadows
As it begins with a humble prelude
Of whistles from the navel of sorrows.
Calm on my chest, you my cheek caresses
As my flowing tears deem you their shelter.
With dead leaves dancing, cold breeze embraces
Our warm bodies in the changing weather.
Must your kind soul hear my soliloquy?
Must you desert me under the full moon
While I let you hum your own tragedy?
But fate has brought us to this mellow tune.
Let heaven weep for our mournful anthem.
Sweetly we perform the lovers’ requiem.
Lead me, love, from the hymn of solitude
To the music of departed shadows
As it begins with a humble prelude
Of whistles from the navel of sorrows.
Calm on my chest, you my cheek caresses
As my flowing tears deem you their shelter.
With dead leaves dancing, cold breeze embraces
Our warm bodies in the changing weather.
Must your kind soul hear my soliloquy?
Must you desert me under the full moon
While I let you hum your own tragedy?
But fate has brought us to this mellow tune.
Let heaven weep for our mournful anthem.
Sweetly we perform the lovers’ requiem.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Overfascinated with the Gaga
I can't help it. I just have to spill it.
I love Lady Gaga.
Before, I told people that Lady Gaga might be a Filipina because "Gaga talaga siya!" when the music video of Just Dance was released and ruled the charts. Everybody knows that it's about wasting the night away with liquor or whatever depressants one might think of, a vice I removed from my system because of old age. But what's striking about the video is her freaky outfit. Enough said.
But I love her music nevertheless. In fact, it was Poker Face that comes to my mind when I remember my hops along the streets and subways of London with my cousins last spring.
But my fascination with Lady Gaga intensified these past few days just because I was browsing Youtube. I don't listen to the radio anymore so I have no updates on what songs are in now, but since I watched Bad Romance on Youtube, I have been singing and watching that same song over and over again for these past days.
I am absolutely impressed with her talent. Her packaging as a very good composer (or songwriter) and a total performer. She composed her own songs, and she always sings, dances and plays the piano live, no cheats. She also rearranges her upbeat Ga-ga songs into smooth acoustic ballads.
I am also amazed with how she answers interviews. I know, there are crazy sh*ts she says sometimes, but it's how she delivers her answers. She seems too smart and yet too modest for a pop star.
And then another video I saw in Youtube. This was Lady Gaga before "she became crazy."
Pure talent. No sh*ts.
I love Lady Gaga.
Before, I told people that Lady Gaga might be a Filipina because "Gaga talaga siya!" when the music video of Just Dance was released and ruled the charts. Everybody knows that it's about wasting the night away with liquor or whatever depressants one might think of, a vice I removed from my system because of old age. But what's striking about the video is her freaky outfit. Enough said.
But I love her music nevertheless. In fact, it was Poker Face that comes to my mind when I remember my hops along the streets and subways of London with my cousins last spring.
But my fascination with Lady Gaga intensified these past few days just because I was browsing Youtube. I don't listen to the radio anymore so I have no updates on what songs are in now, but since I watched Bad Romance on Youtube, I have been singing and watching that same song over and over again for these past days.
I am absolutely impressed with her talent. Her packaging as a very good composer (or songwriter) and a total performer. She composed her own songs, and she always sings, dances and plays the piano live, no cheats. She also rearranges her upbeat Ga-ga songs into smooth acoustic ballads.
I am also amazed with how she answers interviews. I know, there are crazy sh*ts she says sometimes, but it's how she delivers her answers. She seems too smart and yet too modest for a pop star.
And then another video I saw in Youtube. This was Lady Gaga before "she became crazy."
Pure talent. No sh*ts.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Career Calamity 2010
Let's see now...
I am currently working part time as a professor in Santa Isabel Music Department. I'm handling Statistics class for undergraduates and masters students, Measurement and Evaluation and Economics. Somehow, I have widened my horizon as a teacher as I improve my teaching methods in statistics while learning new subjects to teach. Good thing technology is better now in Santa Isabel.
I am also "rushing" my thesis work in MS Epidemiology. So far, my adviser has approved my topic. Next step: review of literature. It's still a long way to go. But in addition, I took two penalty courses this semester: Seminars in Epi and the dragging Evaluation Research. I could have taken easier subjects, but something told me that I needed them.
The Evaluation Research class is really something. Master and DrPH students were merged in this subject, so imagine the tension, not to mention that it is a UP class. I remember a case study report done by a DrPH classmate where a 2-paragraph case study was expanded into matrices in dozens of Powerpoint slides in the report. I thought it as an overkill, being somewhat simplistic as I am, but my classmates were intimidated by the sophistication of the report that elevated the standards in the succeeding reports! So much for intelectualizing simple things - a UP culture.
About my music career, I discontinued my Music study in favor of my Epi thesis. Although I already have a good background in music theory, I still have to continue eventually. So far I topped my music classes last semester, simply because my other classmates, who are also my current students this sem, were not very competitive. But despite my discontinuation, I experienced some good application of my rusted violin skills. Aside from the mall tours and simbang gabi last Christmas season, I had a couple of "harang," a wedding where I played with a few more violinists and a pianist, a concert for a cause violin performance in solo with keyboard accompaniment, and an on-the-spot accompaniment with flute and keyboard in a church concert in Navotas at Christmas Eve.
I also have accepted a few consulations, and still continue finalizing my outputs in some of my rackets. I was also able to direct a play (see previous post). But I am trying to limit my sidelines and try to focus on what is more important.
So that's my career status for now. I do not gain much financially, but it can wait. Besides, although I'm turning 28, I still look young and can still pay P6.00 in jeepneys, saying, "estudyante!"
I am currently working part time as a professor in Santa Isabel Music Department. I'm handling Statistics class for undergraduates and masters students, Measurement and Evaluation and Economics. Somehow, I have widened my horizon as a teacher as I improve my teaching methods in statistics while learning new subjects to teach. Good thing technology is better now in Santa Isabel.
I am also "rushing" my thesis work in MS Epidemiology. So far, my adviser has approved my topic. Next step: review of literature. It's still a long way to go. But in addition, I took two penalty courses this semester: Seminars in Epi and the dragging Evaluation Research. I could have taken easier subjects, but something told me that I needed them.
The Evaluation Research class is really something. Master and DrPH students were merged in this subject, so imagine the tension, not to mention that it is a UP class. I remember a case study report done by a DrPH classmate where a 2-paragraph case study was expanded into matrices in dozens of Powerpoint slides in the report. I thought it as an overkill, being somewhat simplistic as I am, but my classmates were intimidated by the sophistication of the report that elevated the standards in the succeeding reports! So much for intelectualizing simple things - a UP culture.
About my music career, I discontinued my Music study in favor of my Epi thesis. Although I already have a good background in music theory, I still have to continue eventually. So far I topped my music classes last semester, simply because my other classmates, who are also my current students this sem, were not very competitive. But despite my discontinuation, I experienced some good application of my rusted violin skills. Aside from the mall tours and simbang gabi last Christmas season, I had a couple of "harang," a wedding where I played with a few more violinists and a pianist, a concert for a cause violin performance in solo with keyboard accompaniment, and an on-the-spot accompaniment with flute and keyboard in a church concert in Navotas at Christmas Eve.
I also have accepted a few consulations, and still continue finalizing my outputs in some of my rackets. I was also able to direct a play (see previous post). But I am trying to limit my sidelines and try to focus on what is more important.
So that's my career status for now. I do not gain much financially, but it can wait. Besides, although I'm turning 28, I still look young and can still pay P6.00 in jeepneys, saying, "estudyante!"
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Best Yearstarter
I never expected the feeling after is so heartwarming. At first I only wanted to get it over with, but when it ended, everything changed.
I was referring to directing a school musical play in Immaculate Heart of Mary College, Parañaque last January 8 and 9.
On a night just a few weeks before the play, I stepped into the school campus despite the heavy traffic just to spit the bad news - I wanted to quit as director. but the Franciscan sister who invited me to do the job pleaded to take my word back. That morning the same nun was nagging me to work on the script right away, plus the tickets and invitations. "That wasn't part of my job!" I ranted on everyone in Santa Isabel about my situation. "I was just invited to help them, not take all the burden!..."
But that was weeks ago, last year.
We only had a serious practice about a week before the play and everything was in a rush, almost close to impossible. The committee members, teachers, complained on the rush work and the kids were haphazardly memorizing their lines. I had to patch everything up in just days. I even had to give up everything I do for a week to do it once and for all.
I remember directing our high school class plays as interclass competition. My intentions of directing those plays were rather personal, as I wanted to prove that directing does not need badmouthing and nasty attitude, as what I experienced with a classmate who directed several plays himself. We didn't always get the gold, but I still made my point.
I was a teenager then. This time, I am an adult directing grade school pupils for a musical play. I definitely showed no nasty attitude nor badmouthing. I was more of a big brother to them, joining their silly game as their commander. But as the days passed, the game became serious. I became stricter as judgment day came.
All went well. Not only that, it went great. I heard the feedbacks were positive. But what has bearing was the perceivable success of the musical to me as the director. The kids were great.
Too bad I don't have the pics as proof at the moment.
I have a perennial disease of not saying NO to favors. This was one of them. As a new year's resolution, I included saying NO to any favor that will lose my focus to my priorities. But honestly, I'm very grateful that I didn't give this one up.
But if asked to direct another school play, I'd say NO.
I was referring to directing a school musical play in Immaculate Heart of Mary College, Parañaque last January 8 and 9.
On a night just a few weeks before the play, I stepped into the school campus despite the heavy traffic just to spit the bad news - I wanted to quit as director. but the Franciscan sister who invited me to do the job pleaded to take my word back. That morning the same nun was nagging me to work on the script right away, plus the tickets and invitations. "That wasn't part of my job!" I ranted on everyone in Santa Isabel about my situation. "I was just invited to help them, not take all the burden!..."
But that was weeks ago, last year.
We only had a serious practice about a week before the play and everything was in a rush, almost close to impossible. The committee members, teachers, complained on the rush work and the kids were haphazardly memorizing their lines. I had to patch everything up in just days. I even had to give up everything I do for a week to do it once and for all.
I remember directing our high school class plays as interclass competition. My intentions of directing those plays were rather personal, as I wanted to prove that directing does not need badmouthing and nasty attitude, as what I experienced with a classmate who directed several plays himself. We didn't always get the gold, but I still made my point.
I was a teenager then. This time, I am an adult directing grade school pupils for a musical play. I definitely showed no nasty attitude nor badmouthing. I was more of a big brother to them, joining their silly game as their commander. But as the days passed, the game became serious. I became stricter as judgment day came.
All went well. Not only that, it went great. I heard the feedbacks were positive. But what has bearing was the perceivable success of the musical to me as the director. The kids were great.
Too bad I don't have the pics as proof at the moment.
I have a perennial disease of not saying NO to favors. This was one of them. As a new year's resolution, I included saying NO to any favor that will lose my focus to my priorities. But honestly, I'm very grateful that I didn't give this one up.
But if asked to direct another school play, I'd say NO.
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