Crazy-Genius

Our music theory professor, Miss Celine Pil, told us that there's a thin line between genuis and "loka-loka." Wala lang. Gusto ko lang ibahagi. Nakatuwa hehehe.

I'm a full student this semester. Well, more specifically a part-time music BM/MA Music Education student with two overlapping Choral Arranging subjects, and a part-time supposedly-thesis-finishing MS Epidemiology student. Crazy-genius.

Last Saturday, the chamber had a formal internal audition for leadership. I intentionally failed it, knowing subconsciously that I should not dream of being a principal violinist – not yet. But I was depressed when I got the lowest score, with some thinking that I should leave behind my whims for a while and set things straight with my priority.

I know at the back of my head that I am not a full-fledged musician, because I study but not fully practice music. In our recent Choral Arranging class, Sister Emilita was stressing that everyone in the class is a good pianist, except for me, who has a “special talent” – a fusion of numbers and music daw. I was glad at one side, feeling special, but on the other hand I was frowning, frustrated to be a good performer may it be in violin or piano.

For that class, I was able to compose a 32-measure, five-four time signature Phrygian Canon with a major third (for non-music readers, I just composed something) but I could not play it in the piano, so I used Finale (a music composition software) to generate the music for me and saved it in my cell phone. The class was somewhat impressed, of course, for what I did was something innovative, since last week they had been trying very hard to play their compositions. But I think that they think that I somewhat cheated. True enough, so in the end everyone will be submitting a composition, played by the computer and saved as MP3. Neat.

But I admit that I will be lost without music. I would be drowning with boredom in my work in data and research, or would simply be satisfied admiring music at a distance, while toiling myself to a non-artistic work. I imagine that I could have lost my good ways and be too “liberal” or "cynical" about everything in life, had I not known music as I know it now.

So I’ll keep everything as it is, no matter how crazy-genius it is. I am used to being out of focus since college days, with Public Health and Journalism as dual concentration back then. It’s Epidemiology and Music now. I did it then so I will definitely surpass this now.

I know it’s a perennial issue for me, but believe me I was really getting crazier by the minute.

But I’m okay now. I have written the craziness down.