Career Calamity, Book II Part I
Last week, I had a conversation with Sister Emelita, Chair of Sta. Isabel College Music Department, while I was processing my enrollment form in Sta. Isabel. I told her that I'm taking up masters in epidemiology in UPM, with thesis as my only requirement for completion, and that I will take up master subjects in music in Sta. Isabel this summer. She asked me if I'm now giving up public health for love of music.
"...I am torn between two lovers," I replied.
Perhaps I'm too pissed off with my public health career now that I'm considering music as my sanctuary. In the office, I was given a task to conduct a research with someone else's proposal, someone whom I don't want to work with. There was a slight impression that beside the fact that I'm underpaid for my work, I am being used of my skills by undeserving people. But I think this is a bit overboard, that I need to think this over and improve my framework on this to a more positive one. But I want to stress that this is mixed with the pending research consultancies with different doctors outside the office. I think I'm burning out.
But when I come to chamber rehearsals, I feel so much relieved.
Last week, Monday, the chamber played during a 7:30 a.m mass in Sta. Isabel. I was there, gratified and calm. After which, we had a rehearsal and lunch together. I took a sick leave that day, deciding not to go to work anymore. Something is repelling me from work or attracting me to the chamber that day.
To make matters more complicated, on that same day, Sister Emelita mentioned in our conversation that I may avail for scholarship for my violin lessons with Mr. Macazo. I stopped attending lessons with my violin teacher because one, it's expensive and two, I can't give my full time with music, with my pending thesis and PhilCAT work in mind. But now that I can take violin lessons for free, I'm leaning towards embracing my teacher, perfecting my skills.
A few weeks ago, Miss April Sta. Maria, my Philippine Music teacher, offered us a job at Naxos as music analyst, where I can be qualified should I take up her master subjects. I was very much tempted to accept the offer, only that I already have public health as my career. I was too envious with those who said yes, and I was stumping my feet, regretting why I didn't take up music in the first place, for I could have taken the offer and enjoyed working.
And of course, my moment with the chamber is always priceless. A while ago, we were playing musical pieces that we performed in the past. We were only about less than ten people, without our teacher, jamming with the old pieces quite smoothly. I realized that we have improved a lot and become very independent since last year when we were first assembled. It only proved that I, together with my fellow musicians, gracefully grew up. And in a few more years, we can become great.
However, I still have good reasons to continue my public health work. A few weeks ago, I had a meeting with Dr. Maridel Borja, my thesis adviser, whom I handpicked for our training in our department in PhilCAT. Somehow, I remember why I took up epidemiology when I'm with her. As I received her resume for her service contract, the vision became more vivid - I want to be just like her, with all her achievements. Somehow my love for health research and public health service remains intact despite everything. I believe that God allowed me to take this course to have a heart and a mind of a public health worker, and to be one of the best epidemiologists.
We, my officemates and I, had a seminar on self-leadership last week held during our summer outing in Batangas. When asked who is my model leader, I answered Antonio Vivaldi, a musician. When asked what thing best describes me now, I answered a violin. But when asked to draw my life goal, I drew a school, with a caption, "My school of public health is open to cater quality education for Filipinos - 2030."
And yet the picture of my final days, my retirement dream, is playing a violin with a sweet tune in a park.
So you have an idea how torn I still am.
"...I am torn between two lovers," I replied.
Perhaps I'm too pissed off with my public health career now that I'm considering music as my sanctuary. In the office, I was given a task to conduct a research with someone else's proposal, someone whom I don't want to work with. There was a slight impression that beside the fact that I'm underpaid for my work, I am being used of my skills by undeserving people. But I think this is a bit overboard, that I need to think this over and improve my framework on this to a more positive one. But I want to stress that this is mixed with the pending research consultancies with different doctors outside the office. I think I'm burning out.
But when I come to chamber rehearsals, I feel so much relieved.
Last week, Monday, the chamber played during a 7:30 a.m mass in Sta. Isabel. I was there, gratified and calm. After which, we had a rehearsal and lunch together. I took a sick leave that day, deciding not to go to work anymore. Something is repelling me from work or attracting me to the chamber that day.
To make matters more complicated, on that same day, Sister Emelita mentioned in our conversation that I may avail for scholarship for my violin lessons with Mr. Macazo. I stopped attending lessons with my violin teacher because one, it's expensive and two, I can't give my full time with music, with my pending thesis and PhilCAT work in mind. But now that I can take violin lessons for free, I'm leaning towards embracing my teacher, perfecting my skills.
A few weeks ago, Miss April Sta. Maria, my Philippine Music teacher, offered us a job at Naxos as music analyst, where I can be qualified should I take up her master subjects. I was very much tempted to accept the offer, only that I already have public health as my career. I was too envious with those who said yes, and I was stumping my feet, regretting why I didn't take up music in the first place, for I could have taken the offer and enjoyed working.
And of course, my moment with the chamber is always priceless. A while ago, we were playing musical pieces that we performed in the past. We were only about less than ten people, without our teacher, jamming with the old pieces quite smoothly. I realized that we have improved a lot and become very independent since last year when we were first assembled. It only proved that I, together with my fellow musicians, gracefully grew up. And in a few more years, we can become great.
However, I still have good reasons to continue my public health work. A few weeks ago, I had a meeting with Dr. Maridel Borja, my thesis adviser, whom I handpicked for our training in our department in PhilCAT. Somehow, I remember why I took up epidemiology when I'm with her. As I received her resume for her service contract, the vision became more vivid - I want to be just like her, with all her achievements. Somehow my love for health research and public health service remains intact despite everything. I believe that God allowed me to take this course to have a heart and a mind of a public health worker, and to be one of the best epidemiologists.
We, my officemates and I, had a seminar on self-leadership last week held during our summer outing in Batangas. When asked who is my model leader, I answered Antonio Vivaldi, a musician. When asked what thing best describes me now, I answered a violin. But when asked to draw my life goal, I drew a school, with a caption, "My school of public health is open to cater quality education for Filipinos - 2030."
And yet the picture of my final days, my retirement dream, is playing a violin with a sweet tune in a park.
So you have an idea how torn I still am.
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