Missed Half of a Lifetime
Last Saturday, the chamber had a concert in Laguna at 8 pm, but the call time was 8 am. Unfortunately, I had a class on Theory in Sta. Isabel at 7:30 am and supposedly on Historical Survey at 10 am so I said to Sir Cris I couldn't come. Just when I was in the middle of my Theory class around 8:30 am, Ms. April sent a text message saying we wouldn't have a class on Historical Survey. The chamber's bus going to Laguna left at that time.
I felt so left out. It was more than 12 hours of bonding with the chamber, but I missed it. The whole day was spent on regret and remorse that I wasn't able to join them. I also regret that I didn't make any effort to catch them up on their way to Laguna. Sayang talaga.
These are the moments that I am so driven by my emotions, that I do not want to do anything because I am down. And sometimes, I fantasize about what could have been my life now had I taken not Public Health but Music. My income would not be that stable, but at least I love what I do.
I remember the days when I was making career choices before going to college, and Music has never been one of them. I only rekindled my passion to music when I saw a violin in my professor's office, and this was in my postgraduate study. I had made a decision to spend some of my time to learning how to play the violin, and now to spend more time to learn music itself.
In the office, frequent taking of leave became an issue, and I was affected since I took several leaves a few weeks back due to chamber activities, aside from the fact that I was trying to have a retreat from the office chaos and politics. There was a time that I was furious about suspending our raise because of "frequent absences and tradinesses" of many among our batch, to the point of giving an impression that I was too harsh on unleashing lose comments. For that, I had to watch over my absences and be punctual everyday. This includes not attending chamber rehearsals on a weekday.
I am glad that Mr. Macazo was not strict on me on attending rehearsals, for he knows that some of us are part-time music students who have a full time job. But I can not allow myself to be just a saling pusa to any of the chamber's activities. Somehow I want to excel in the group and promote myself from an amateur student to at least an average violinist.
I have lost my social life in the process of struggling to balance my work and my enthusiasm to music. Somewhere in the long run, I may come up with a decision to completely give up one for the other. And I am afraid that giving up my work is a more palatable decision.
People in the world face more overwhelming problems. In this country, basic needs is more important to an individual or to a family. I feel somewhat more fortunate that my problem only encompasses what career to take. Somehow I envy people who, in the midst of their problems, are determined and focused to strive and become succesful in their chosen careers. I, for one, can not excel in one profession if I am not focused to it.
I realized that my batchmates in college who took up medicine are now MDs. I, on the other hand, am working like a dog in an organization where the seniors think that I am not performing well. I haven't even finished my masters degree. If I choose to become a full-time musician, I would start from scratch.
Now I realize what retreats are and why we did them in our high school days. I need one now.
I somehow wanted to turn back time when I was a student, at least there I had summer vacations.
No pressure to work for difficult bosses.
No monetary worries.
With big dreams.
Imagine how I react when I miss one chamber performance.
I felt so left out. It was more than 12 hours of bonding with the chamber, but I missed it. The whole day was spent on regret and remorse that I wasn't able to join them. I also regret that I didn't make any effort to catch them up on their way to Laguna. Sayang talaga.
These are the moments that I am so driven by my emotions, that I do not want to do anything because I am down. And sometimes, I fantasize about what could have been my life now had I taken not Public Health but Music. My income would not be that stable, but at least I love what I do.
I remember the days when I was making career choices before going to college, and Music has never been one of them. I only rekindled my passion to music when I saw a violin in my professor's office, and this was in my postgraduate study. I had made a decision to spend some of my time to learning how to play the violin, and now to spend more time to learn music itself.
In the office, frequent taking of leave became an issue, and I was affected since I took several leaves a few weeks back due to chamber activities, aside from the fact that I was trying to have a retreat from the office chaos and politics. There was a time that I was furious about suspending our raise because of "frequent absences and tradinesses" of many among our batch, to the point of giving an impression that I was too harsh on unleashing lose comments. For that, I had to watch over my absences and be punctual everyday. This includes not attending chamber rehearsals on a weekday.
I am glad that Mr. Macazo was not strict on me on attending rehearsals, for he knows that some of us are part-time music students who have a full time job. But I can not allow myself to be just a saling pusa to any of the chamber's activities. Somehow I want to excel in the group and promote myself from an amateur student to at least an average violinist.
I have lost my social life in the process of struggling to balance my work and my enthusiasm to music. Somewhere in the long run, I may come up with a decision to completely give up one for the other. And I am afraid that giving up my work is a more palatable decision.
People in the world face more overwhelming problems. In this country, basic needs is more important to an individual or to a family. I feel somewhat more fortunate that my problem only encompasses what career to take. Somehow I envy people who, in the midst of their problems, are determined and focused to strive and become succesful in their chosen careers. I, for one, can not excel in one profession if I am not focused to it.
I realized that my batchmates in college who took up medicine are now MDs. I, on the other hand, am working like a dog in an organization where the seniors think that I am not performing well. I haven't even finished my masters degree. If I choose to become a full-time musician, I would start from scratch.
Now I realize what retreats are and why we did them in our high school days. I need one now.
I somehow wanted to turn back time when I was a student, at least there I had summer vacations.
No pressure to work for difficult bosses.
No monetary worries.
With big dreams.
Imagine how I react when I miss one chamber performance.
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