Clouds in My Coffee

It’s been a looong time since my last post. And it’s only because I didn’t want to or feel like doing it. Not that I had crap like I’m too busy or something. I always have time for everything, including joining friends if I want to, that I say “I’m too busy” only when I really don’t want to. Something tells me I’m id-driven after all. But I don’t refuse favors from residents or from anyone when it comes to research consultation – I’m not sure if it’s an implicit code of ethics or something. Despite that revelation, I would still say that working freelance for residents and professors kept me stuck from coming to important events in this season’s festivities. I wasn’t able to attend the CPH Xmas party, the EAMC Ob-Gyne Department party and the high school mini-reunion party. IPHM is history and until now we had no plans for reunion at all. Failing to meet old friends is just frustrating and somewhat gratifying at the same time. Besides, I’ve been trying to avoid social gatherings as par...

Playing “Humoresque” in front of a tough audience is one of the most embarrassing yet fulfilling events of my artistic life. I had my second violin recital last Saturday. Papa, Kuyang, my violin classmates, PH classmate and barkada Ruthie, my maestro, and strangers who would seemingly represent if not constitute the entire nation, watched my ultimate humiliation. Kuyang even immortalized it with our video cam. Starting the day right, I woke up late for my lesson at 10 am. I only had 15 minutes to prepare for that class and my fabulous performance that afternoon, and I haven’t even had my practice for my recital, much less for the orchestra. But still, I kept my natural, slow pace, as always, as I thoroughly caressed my body in the bathroom, meticulously set my long black hair, ironed my pink manly shirt, looked for a pair of black leather shoes. I came to UST an hour late. I have good vibes with my maestro that day, like every week that we meet. People were smiling at me when I clu...

I was tuned in Channel 7 and watched “100% Pinoy,” which featured a few past and present “gifted” kids. I have learned about Shaira Luna, a former Promil user who discussed the cardiovascular system over a 15-second commercial several years back. She went into De La Salle University at the age of 12. However, she shifted from her pre-med course to other courses several times and eventually discontinued her college education. She is now working as a freelance photographer. A La Salleian friend said that they were seeing Shaira in La Salle and were making fun of her. When she passed by them, she was teased by saying, “Uy, ayan na ang mga planets! Wooooh…” (pointing a finger up and forming circles). “What are you helling at?” said Shaira (as what my friend claimed). “HELLING naman pala eh! Akala ko ba Promil kid ka, bakit ang bobo mo?” Enough about La Sallian culture. Poor Shaira - pressured by a society that tagged her as a young genius. Entering college at an early age, and with very hi...

*I'm not quite sure what my cat's gender exactly is. But for the sake of this post, let's assume she's female.* I never thought I would fall in love with a cat. I remember the first day I laid eyes on her. It was a sunny morning. I was fixing my look in front of the mirror and almost ready to go to work when suddenly Papa, my father, caught my attention. Papa: Jay, may kuting sa labas ng gate. Charvie: ...Eh ano naman ngayon? Papa: Kasi nakasabit siya sa imburnal... There she was, right outside our gate, crying as if there was no tomorrow. Her body was hanging as her head got stuck between the steel bars covering our sidewalk's manhole. Her saliva covered her entire neck. She was traumatized and delirious. Papa and I took her inside and nursed her. Realizing that we didn't have milk at that time, I prepared her a few milliliters of mixture of Coffee-mate, Milo and water. She could not walk - she was only several days older than a newborn litter. Assuming she had...

You won't believe where I was last night. I was watching an opera at the CCP Tanghalang Nicanor Abelardo with my violin classmates. It was Tchaikovsky’s “Eugene Onegin,” produced by UST (Whooh! Go Uste!). It’s about a story of a man feeling sorry for rejecting a woman’s love. Morale: Frustration begets frustration. It was nice, except that I don’t understand a shit – it was Russian. I had to buy an overpriced but worthless programme to understand what’s going on, only to find out that only one page was allotted for the story and the rest of the print were advertisements and the production's and the cast members’ crappy achievements. Even its layout was designed like trash. Hay, CCP. Unfortunately, the dances were not well-choreographed. I like the costumes and the simplicity of the props though. I admire Russian, so It's fine. But what I love about it was Tchaikovsky’s music – a real genius – and the orchestra responsible for the live music, including my Maestro Macazo hehe...

I'm currently working on a desk in an office that looks like a house and is said to be haunted by an old lady and her grandchild. But I'm not afraid. I just have to acknowledge their presence and I'm safe. And it's still raining. Shit. I'm currently working and at the same time writing my post. Actually, I'm not working. I'm typing my post. It's 8:20 pm and I'm still here. Why? I don't know. But what I know is I'm in an office. Alone. An office. May trabaho pala ako? *smirk*. Problem is, most of the time I'm inside this box. I was dreaming of far more exciting jobs than this, say investigating an outbreak or implementing a health program in the community. But not this. I'm no better than a clerk - only a lot smarter and more commanding. So I had my 5-day field work in Iloilo and Cebu, big deal! Compared to months of staying here in this haunted office, that field work only seemed like a day-off in a whole year of work. But I have to a...

Sa aking mga kasamahan sa IPHM, sa ating mga paghihirap sa ngalan ng kalusugan, sa ating pakikisalamuha sa iba't-bang elemento ng proyektong pangkalusugan at pananaliksik. Sa mga aliping sagigilid at aliping namamahay na hindi nakakauwi nang tamang oras, ni hindi nakakakain nang sapat (Kaya't dinadaan na lamang sa pagpasok nang tanghali na). At sa mga Pilipinong naghahangad ng magandang kalidad ng buhay. Para sa inyo ang mga larawang ito. Mabuhay tayo!

Last night, I finished reading an old fiction novel, “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. And at that time, I started meticulously reassessing the value of human existence. As Miranda Priestly said it… “Groundbreaking.” It is about an egotistic architect who never compromised his genius innovations to collaboration and cooperation with what Rand coined as “second-handers.” At the end, he stood victorious on the top of his greatest skyscraper. After finishing the last page, I was moved to research Ayn Rand and all the philosophies tied to her name: objectivism, egotism, as well as altruism, collectivism and communism. I was like a Borg drone assimilating information from the cyberspace. I never conceived that I would be reaffixed in concepts I have abandoned since I left the school paper and would think a lot like this in centuries – All because of a book of philosophy embedded in an architectural theme. I ask myself, have I been an altruist all these years? As far as my values are concerned...

Yep. Just clouds. Had my 6th stick. Caused me chest pain. Made tears in my eye. I don’t know. Maybe the unmet deadlines. Or the anxiety for tomorrow’s session. Or the future loss of my beloved cat. Currently embracing him. Will be gone tomorrow. To miss you. Wanna make a sonnet for Nge-Nge, but too groggy for that. The violin perhaps. Maybe the sad songs. Or the loss. I love you. Goodbye.

Kids easily grow up. I just saw my cousin’s note in my room. It mentioned that they were leaving our house, requesting me to copy a CD game for her and hoping I would join them in our weekend tri p in Lucban. Unfortunately, I had a project to finish in my professor’s house that weekend so I wasn’t able to keep my promise to join them. Somehow I regretted that I took the project and could not commit to my family duties, specifically as “Kuyang” to my cousins. I wanted to join them and have the best hours together while they (Sophia and Roxanne) are still kids. They will be back in Geneva after a couple of days. Somehow I realize that they are not kids anymore. A few years back, they were only writing scribbles on pieces of paper, forming letters as toddlers. But now, they can communicate very well, not only in Filipino and in English but in French too (voila!). After a few years, Roxanne will be in college and Sophia will graduate hopefully as an environmental biologist. I, on the other...

I'm currently in a dilemma whether I should "retire" as a researcher to become an artist. I'm currently working as a research associate in a TB project, and I admit I suck at doing my work. As of now, I neither have the capacity nor the attitude to organize research materials. Hay... iresponsableng bata. If not for my gorgeous looks and acts of humility, I would have been exterminated ages ago. But no, despite my disorganized character, my Boss Mira had to extend my contract and even create a new one for their other project. Rather, if not for my masters units, I would have not retained my income-generating activities. True enough, being a statistician and an epidemiologist has its gains. I believe I have become too exhausted in my research and statistical work. Aside from my full-time work, I had to meet a lot of clients for consultancy in their research. I had met several UST doctors who are willing to meet me, an amateur researcher. Although I gain much experience ...