Just Kidding
Kids easily grow up.
I just saw my cousin’s note in my room. It mentioned that they were leaving our house, requesting me to copy a CD game for her and hoping I would join them in our weekend tri
p in Lucban. Unfortunately, I had a project to finish in my professor’s house that weekend so I wasn’t able to keep my promise to join them. Somehow I regretted that I took the project and could not commit to my family duties, specifically as “Kuyang” to my cousins. I wanted to join them and have the best hours together while they (Sophia and Roxanne) are still kids. They will be back in Geneva after a couple of days.
Somehow I realize that they are not kids anymore. A few years back, they were only writing scribbles on pieces of paper, forming letters as toddlers. But now, they can communicate very well, not only in Filipino and in English but in French too (voila!). After a few years, Roxanne will be in college and Sophia will graduate hopefully as an environmental biologist. I, on the other hand, am now working like a dog in research and hopefully will finish my masters degree soon.
I wrote in my essays that I wanted to be a very good epidemiologist saving the world from pandemics. In reality, I still wanted to be a kid and remain that way. My negligence and my poor work ethics manifest just that. The reason why I do not want to get stuck in a full-time job is that I still want to be free from commitments and enjoy the things kids love.
Spending the weekend at my boss’ house, I observed her three-year-old son jerking around. He’s growing up gracefully and really fast. He’s quite charming for a menacing kid, and my professor adores her little precious. I think I share that adoration. It keeps coming to me whether I will have my own child. What would he, or she, look like? Will he/she look like his/her gorgeous dad? Only God knows. But I do love kids.
I’m now in my room enjoying the company of cigarettes, a cup of coffee and a playlist of mellow music. They are indicators of my age, perhaps my adulthood but not maturity. Somehow, I could not trace how I grew up from a loud brat to a loud adult. I only remember other faces that contribute to my experiences but my image as a growing kid is just puzzling to me. I grew up fast too, just like my cousins, my boss’ son and, well, my cat. I fear that I grew up so fast leaving behind what I should have gained in the process. Or maybe I just miss the experiences I already gained. I don’t know.
What I know is I can’t go back. I have made things that have barricaded me from being a kid. Besides, I savor very much the things only adults should enjoy, if you know what I mean (harhar just kidding). Like they said, “You win some, you lose some.”
But I like being a kid more. To have a kid’s perspective in life – idealistic, full of hopes, carefree, desiring unconditionally, cherishing the company of “other kids” – is just what I want best.
The project will finish soon and I look forward to have a time to kid around again. My soul searching will always consider what I want as a kid. I may not be or can’t be a kid anymore, but I can act as one. And I’ll do just that.
Hay, masarap maging bata.
Anyway, gabi na, meme na.
I just saw my cousin’s note in my room. It mentioned that they were leaving our house, requesting me to copy a CD game for her and hoping I would join them in our weekend tri
p in Lucban. Unfortunately, I had a project to finish in my professor’s house that weekend so I wasn’t able to keep my promise to join them. Somehow I regretted that I took the project and could not commit to my family duties, specifically as “Kuyang” to my cousins. I wanted to join them and have the best hours together while they (Sophia and Roxanne) are still kids. They will be back in Geneva after a couple of days.Somehow I realize that they are not kids anymore. A few years back, they were only writing scribbles on pieces of paper, forming letters as toddlers. But now, they can communicate very well, not only in Filipino and in English but in French too (voila!). After a few years, Roxanne will be in college and Sophia will graduate hopefully as an environmental biologist. I, on the other hand, am now working like a dog in research and hopefully will finish my masters degree soon.
I wrote in my essays that I wanted to be a very good epidemiologist saving the world from pandemics. In reality, I still wanted to be a kid and remain that way. My negligence and my poor work ethics manifest just that. The reason why I do not want to get stuck in a full-time job is that I still want to be free from commitments and enjoy the things kids love.
Spending the weekend at my boss’ house, I observed her three-year-old son jerking around. He’s growing up gracefully and really fast. He’s quite charming for a menacing kid, and my professor adores her little precious. I think I share that adoration. It keeps coming to me whether I will have my own child. What would he, or she, look like? Will he/she look like his/her gorgeous dad? Only God knows. But I do love kids.
I’m now in my room enjoying the company of cigarettes, a cup of coffee and a playlist of mellow music. They are indicators of my age, perhaps my adulthood but not maturity. Somehow, I could not trace how I grew up from a loud brat to a loud adult. I only remember other faces that contribute to my experiences but my image as a growing kid is just puzzling to me. I grew up fast too, just like my cousins, my boss’ son and, well, my cat. I fear that I grew up so fast leaving behind what I should have gained in the process. Or maybe I just miss the experiences I already gained. I don’t know.
What I know is I can’t go back. I have made things that have barricaded me from being a kid. Besides, I savor very much the things only adults should enjoy, if you know what I mean (harhar just kidding). Like they said, “You win some, you lose some.”
But I like being a kid more. To have a kid’s perspective in life – idealistic, full of hopes, carefree, desiring unconditionally, cherishing the company of “other kids” – is just what I want best.
The project will finish soon and I look forward to have a time to kid around again. My soul searching will always consider what I want as a kid. I may not be or can’t be a kid anymore, but I can act as one. And I’ll do just that.
Hay, masarap maging bata.
Anyway, gabi na, meme na.
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