Depresyon at Alta Presyon

Kapag tinopak ka nga naman sa harap ng computer... maiisipan mong mag-blog sa gitna ng napakaraming dapat mong gawin.

Una sa lahat, nakikiramay ako sa pagkamatay ng dating Pangulong Corazon C. Aquino.

Dinalaw ako ng lungkot sa aking pag-iisip ngayong gabi. Malungkot hindi dahil single ako (at hindi ko na dapat pa sinasabi 'yon) kundi dahil tila walang patutunguhan ang mga pagsusumikap ko. Tungkol sa aking pag-aaral ng epidemyolohiya, naiinip na ako sa paghinihintay sa pahintulot ng isang batikang doktor na may-ari ng datos na aking gagamitin. Sa hanay naman ng musika, ramdam ko na wala akong silbing mag-aaral ng musika hangga't hindi ko ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral ng byulin o piano. Malungkot dahil pakiramdam ko ay kahit anong seryoso ang aking gawin sa aking pag-aaral, tila hilaw ang aking mga natutunan.

Tila dumagdag sa bigat ng aking dibdib ang nalalapit na pag-alis ng aking dating guro sa byulin. Kahit hindi man niya sabihin kung kailan siya aalis, ramdam na namin na malapit na nga iyon, at sa bawat araw na inaantabay ko ang panahong iyon, lalong lumalabo ang hinagap ko sa kinabukasan ng SICCO. Ano na lang ang magiging kalagayan ko bilang isang miyembro ng SICCO? Kahit masakit ay naisip kong umalis na sa pangkat dahil hindi na umuusad ang aking kakayahan. Sa aking pasyang unahin munang tapusin ang kurso sa epidemyolohiya, Nabibinbin ang aking mithiing makausad sa aking musika.

At sa pagbigat ng aking dibdib sa siya namang pagbigat ng aking ulo, sa bawat buwan na lumipas ay lumalapit ang aking ama at nagbabadyang kailangan kong mag-ambag sa pantustos sa pang-araw-araw naming gastusin. Wala pa akong trabaho, at hindi pa ako dapat maghanap. Marahil ay nasindak ako sa aking karanasan sa dati kong pinasukan, na ayoko nang magpaalipin pa sa isang amo sa isang opisina. Ayoko na. Kahit na ako ay nakapagtapos ng kolehiyo, ayokong magtrabaho sa paraang gusto nila. At itong prinsipyong ito ang humahatak sa akin pababa, at humuhugot ng malaking halaga sa aking ipon sa bangko.

At sa gitna ng lahat ng ito, nagpapasalamat ako sa mga matatapat na kaibigang palaging nasa aking tabi, mapasa-PhilCAT man, CPH o SIC, o maging dati kong mga matalik na kaibigan, maraming salamat sa inyong suporta. Kahit mayroong bumabagabag sa akin, nagagawa ko pa ring gumising sa umaga at harapin ang mga pagsubok sa buhay.

Marahil ay kailangan ko muli ng konting pahinga.

Comments

Anonymous said…
bakit hindi:)
1:34 AM
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